So... I really don't want this weblog to turn into nothing more then an online angst diary, but it's been surprisingly difficult to not post something along those lines. I guess it's safe to say that I am in a strange position right now, hovering between more opposites then I care to think about. By most accounts, I ought to be happy. I am going to be getting married this summer and starting the next chapter of my life in every way. I will be finishing up college, I will be moving to a different country... but in this time when I should be so excited and so joyous, all I can really do is feel miserable because I can not be with the person I love. I don't think I can truly describe the perverseness of it all but I may as well try...

The extra time I have because he's gone ought to make college easier, but without him here it'll only be that much harder. I can smile at the picture of the wedding rings we've ordered, but I know that we won't be together when we try on the sizing bands. And don't get me wrong, it's quite exciting to look for all the things our new home will need, but there is something so very sad about looking at silverware alone.

I have never felt more loved, but I have never felt so alone. I am sharing my life, but I am living on my own. I know he is always there for me, but I have to do everything by myself.

I am looking forward to the future, but I can't help think of how it has only been a week since he left, and realize that I must live it over 28 more times before we can be together again. And there's nothing I can do about it except love him even more.