How long has it been? 17 days?

A little over two weeks and I really felt how unbearable it had become tonight to be without him. I had been feeling very strange the past couple days... it was as if I had started to adjust to the fact that he really wasn't here anymore. It affected everything from our phone conversations to our online chats. I don't know how to describe it. I guess you could say it was some form of apathy. It was as if I had already said all that there was to say. As if all there was left for me to do was wait in silence. I could not be with him. I could not participate or help with anything. If I couldn't be a part of anything, then I really shouldn't be allowed or expected to have a voice in them.

I hate myself for having felt that way.

When Philip called me tonight, I was really in a bad state. I had snapped. There was no other way to describe it. But it'll be okay... I get to see him soon now. It is really difficult to search for and book tickets when you are so upset you can't think or see straight. But somehow he was able to direct me through it. I will be leaving on Friday the 17th and coming back on Saturday the 25th.