I know I never write here anymore... I don't know why. Maybe its because for a while I was really angry and upset. When I wrote out that stuff here in order to vent, it caused more trouble than it was worth. Life hadn't been perfect. It still isn't, but I guess I'm not quite as angry now. But I am bored. And I feel trapped in some ways. Trapped by the house. Trapped by the area we're living in. Trapped by the fact I can't get a job without it causing a heck of a lot of extra stress. I also feel trapped by my own inability to do anything productive during the day.

I still don't draw anymore. I don't know if I miss it or not. I feel like I should miss it, like its some terrible crime that I'm not drawing. But in the end, it doesn't matter. I was never cut out to be an illustrator anyways. I'm more interested in photography now. My newest hobby provides a good subject and focus for it. And I'm enjoying it a lot, even if I am getting frustrated at my inability to expand my photographic horizons. I seem to take the same type of photo over and over. I know its this repetition that makes someone truly good at something, so I don't mind too much. But I see people taking the sort of photographs that I wish I could and it reminds me of how much I'm lacking.

I've tried to avoid talking about my new hobby here a lot because its really strange for me. It involves dolls. But not the girly type of dolls. These are Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls aka 'Super Dollfie's - Two foot tall resin dolls that are highly posable and customizable. And they're expensive. If you don't already know how expensive they are, you don't want to know how expensive they are. So don't ask. They're a really good creative outlet for me though because they're an exercise in character design in and of themselves. And I also use them as photographic subjects. I'm even going to learn how to use a sewing machine so I can design and make my own clothing for them. I've actually bought a sewing machine, but its been sitting completely untouched for a month or so because I really have absolutely no idea where to start. And its scary.

Once I find someone to show me how to use my machine and I get good at making doll's clothing, I can easily scale it up to make people-sized clothing. I've always been good at designing alternative clothing and maybe now I'll finally get the chance to do something with it.

Its late now, 2:00AM exactly as I'm finishing up writing this. So its time to go to bed. Maybe tomorrow I'll post a few pictures of my dolls.