A friend is letting me use her secondary account to run around in EverQuest after having not played for a long time. Although I have barely been logged on for two hours total over the past couple days, I do not find myself having that sickening feeling in my stomach that I used to get. I guess that means enough time has passed that I might be able to enjoy it again. And I have to admit.... it is kind of fun stumbling around, trying to remember all the commands.

Although there is a high level bard character waiting for me, I have decided to start playing with a newbie while I get back into the swing of things. She is very cool. She has a name, however, that I am very surprised was still available: Sephiros. Sephiros is a true alternate spelling of Sephiroth. With as many variations on the name as I've seen people attempt, I guess they've all just missed the most obvious and best alternative.

I'm getting in something coooool! I'm getting in something cooool!

And I'm not telling what it is. Especially not you, Sarah!

I will say, however, that it probably would fit into a bread box. In fact, it probably fits neatly into two large envelopes.

This is the one and only photograph taken during my trip. Here I am standing in front of the real entrance to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters at King's Cross. Just beyond this wall are platforms nine, ten, and eleven, but there's no walkway inbetween nine and ten as shown in the movies.

Well, for whatever it means, I am back 'home.' I probably won't talk about my trip a lot, since not much really happened, but that is okay by me. I did have a nice time though and will probably be much saner for it.

My scarf and keychain both arrived while I was there, so now I am a truly decked out Slytherin. I particularly adore my scarf. I think I will take a page from Shannon's book and wear it all year long like she does with her scarves.

But not only did I get presents, but I got them for other people too!! I love giving people presents. I'm not telling what they are though! (Well... I can tell about one since it has already been given. My sister got the first volume of the 'Fruits Basket' manga. From what I can tell, she really adores it. I think I've awoken a monster... a Fruits Basket fiend!)

Bwuahaha!

Tehehehe!

... I'm done now. (Sorry about that.)

A couple days ago I made a post about reporting someone to eBay and how I didn't think anything would actually happen. Well... when I checked today, the guy had 'Not a Registered User' beside his name.

(Not shoes.)

The rising of the sun this morning brought with it the mysterious appearance of a large fuzzy platform within my bedroom. This platform has appeared before, and I am hoping that my cats will never learn its terrible secret. Because underneath the soft, furry exterior lurks something evil...

Cat Carriers.

My cats flee in fear everytime they see the cat carriers. And I like to keep them up someplace where they are out of the way. Unfortunately what this means for me is that were they to see me get them down, or were the carriers themselves to suddenly appear early one morning, the cats would soon be firmly planted underneath the bed. So instead I have to be sneaky about it. I turn on some music, I close the door (oops, I didn't mean to close that!) and I try to get the carriers down as quietly as possible. I then throw a large furry blanket over them, concealing them totally from sight.

This morning they get to go to the vet because I think they might be sick. Hopefully it is just something stupid like their diet being too rich for them.

Are you ready for the ultimate Galatea cel? I bought her out of someone's private collection and I just love her. I think I can honestly say she is the best cel of Galatea I have ever seen.

I also got in a really wonderful opening title cel from Battle Athletes: Victory. It would probably be a bit more exciting if I didn't already have a bunch of really awesome OP cels. You can see it at my gallery!

I really didn't do this on purpose but... isn't the first line from my "Snap." entry part of a Monty Python skit?

The Royal British Navy cannablism sketch?

I got in two packages today... one cel and one background. Which is quite convenient in its own way because I think the cel looks quite nice on the background. And as you could have guessed, it is another cel of Galatea.

Mmmmm.

In other news, I just won an auction for a really awesome Slytherin keychain. It is exactly like one of those really fancy key fobs that is made of leather and has the metal logo attached to it. It is also the same crest as the one I have on my sidebar. It is by far my favourite of the various different crest designs.

How long has it been? 17 days?

A little over two weeks and I really felt how unbearable it had become tonight to be without him. I had been feeling very strange the past couple days... it was as if I had started to adjust to the fact that he really wasn't here anymore. It affected everything from our phone conversations to our online chats. I don't know how to describe it. I guess you could say it was some form of apathy. It was as if I had already said all that there was to say. As if all there was left for me to do was wait in silence. I could not be with him. I could not participate or help with anything. If I couldn't be a part of anything, then I really shouldn't be allowed or expected to have a voice in them.

I hate myself for having felt that way.

When Philip called me tonight, I was really in a bad state. I had snapped. There was no other way to describe it. But it'll be okay... I get to see him soon now. It is really difficult to search for and book tickets when you are so upset you can't think or see straight. But somehow he was able to direct me through it. I will be leaving on Friday the 17th and coming back on Saturday the 25th.

My last entry reminds me of how much I love and enjoy being sick and twisted. I decided that under most circumstances the fact that I am about to graduate from college and yet have absolutely no school pride is kind of... worrying. I wouldn't be caught dead displaying my college's colours or crests. The least you can say is that it is not a "good sign." But then when you add onto it the extra fact that I am extremely proud to call myself a member of a certain House of a certain fictional school? That really says something.

And actually, according to Philip, this is what it says: [It] shows that you have a healthy knowledge about how respect needs to be earned rather than just given.

Does this mean I can't say I'm sick and twisted?

Yay! I am finally going to get a Slytherin scarf! I've been seriously wanting one for awhile now as anyone who knows me is well aware. And I noticed that the prices keep going up on them as the available quantity decreases. So this morning I finally decided once and for all that I was going to get one before the next price increase. Either that or get one before Warner Brothers makes more and all the prices go back down.

And in the end I still get to consider it as a package from my sweetheart. Not that he'll be sending it. And in fact he didn't even place the bid or will be completing the transaction... but he will be paying for it. So it counts. (I love you, Philip!)

Tehehe! Can hardly wait for it to get here! Cause then I get to show off how utterly geeky I can be by wearing it all the time. Not to mention how sick it is that I am a senior in college and I only have school pride for an imaginary school!

There is really something quite lovely about the prospect of nailing someone's deserving ass to the wall. I'm sure nothing will actually end up getting done, but sometimes just the possibility alone is enough.

This evening I had the honour of reporting a seller to eBay. You know the dietary suppliment pills I was expecting from my last weblog? They weren't even on their way yet nor will they ever be. It's a strange little story... strange and short. Hopefully it will be clear cut enough for even eBay to take action, but somehow I doubt it.

On the 31st of December, I used a buy-it-now option on a dutch auction. It was one of those wholesale sellers. I was never really contacted, but I followed the instructions for the auction and paid for it via Paypal on the 1st of January. It is now the 9th of January and I emailed the guy earlier today just to see that he had in fact properly received my payment and if/when my item would be shipped. He wrote me back a very terse letter staying that my 'item will be shipped.' (As in it hadn't been shipped out yet when other buyers from the same auction had already gotten the item.) He then proceeded to tell me it was MY responsiblity to see that he had gotten my payment by checking my paypal account and seeing the transaction status. Duh. I sent him back an email saying that paypal can say he received my payment all it wants, but that doesn't mean it was properly noted. I also thanked him for bothering to reply. He then basically repeated himself and said he has over 400 emails a day and can't confirm everyone's payment...blah blah blah blah.

All I was doing was individually asking him for reassurance! Geez. I told him that I thought it was only polite to let your buyers know that you got their payment and everything was straight and in order. Just that it was polite. Not that its required, but just that it was the sort of treatment I was used to and thats why I was asking after my item. I really wasn't expecting to get my head bit off just because I was concerned and was double checking myself! The next thing I know he had refunded my money. Very confused by this point, I wrote him back saying that I had never asked for or wanted my money refunded, that I DID want the item, but all I was doing was making sure the details of my order was straight! I asked him what the refund meant. Was he sending me the item for free because of my "trouble"? Or was he not sending the item at all? As he so eloquently put: that i wont be shipping out your product.

Errrr... excuse me? Never once did I say I wanted a refund. Never once did I say I didn't want to complete the transaction. All I did was ask him if he did in fact get my payment and if it was on its way or not! As he basically just refused to sell me the item, I consider that a breach of contract and I have reported him to eBay. While it would be quite something to see 'not a registered user' next to his name, somehow I don't think it will happen. But in the meantime it is fun to get to tell on him.

It has been many days now since I recieved a package in the mail and I am beginning to feel wierd. One of my favourite things is to get packages. For some reason it just makes me feel better. It doesn't particularly even matter what is in the package, because inevitably it is something I have been wanting and am getting. In fact I am so notorious for getting in packages that I am frequently teased by the front desk attendants at my apartment.

And it is not as if I am not expecting packages or that some of them should not have arrived yet. I have a feeling that they will all show up on the same day and that is not so cool. I would rather they be spread out so that I get one each day. If you're curious, right now I am expecting: Three cels, two cel backgrounds, a box of Pocky (some sort of popular Japanese snack that a friend is introducing me to), dietary suppliment pills, and an information packet about the wedding rings I have ordered along with sizing rings. I am also hoping that I will be getting a surprise package from my sweetheart with a Slytherin scarf in it but I doubt it will happen.

I really really really really want a Slytherin scarf. I want one more then just about anything right now, but all of my money is tied up so I can not order one for myself. Believe it or not, it was the one thing I wanted most for Christmas and that I didn't get. I had actually stated that if I didn't get one for Christmas I was going to be immature and cry... and I did. Just not for very long. You can find them on eBay, but they are expensive because people are reselling them, so the price is marked up so that they can make a profit.

Does anybody want to buy me a Slytherin scarf? If so, make sure it is the British kind and not the Hong Kong variety. I have nothing against Hong Kong products for the most part, but the tight-knit British scarf has a cloth patch on it versus the plastic patch on the HK's fleece scarf.

As I write this, I am eating chocolate cake for breakfast... and it makes me wonder how long it has been since I did that. Up until a couple years ago I used to really love sweet stuff, but then my tolerance for it fell off. I wouldn't say this was a bad thing however.

It's actually not so bad right now either because its only part of a piece of chocolate cake. The rest of it I had last night for dinner. Another thing I haven't done in ages. But then, I was also sitting in a fern bar with a friend I hadn't really hung out with for long enough that I feel guilty about it.

I guess I've just been busy with other things, not that that is a great excuse. We arrived there at like 9 in the evening and by the time we left it was after midnight. We then drove back to her place and proceeded to talk until four in the morning. It has certainly been years since something like that happened.

What's really scary is the idea I got after listening to her talk about EverQuest and how she was starting to get bored with it. She was showing the exact same symptoms as I had however long ago it was that I quit. But so then, this evil stupid thought entered my head: Hey. Shannon has two accounts, because one of her friends quit and gave it to her. It has a higher level bard on it then even my old character. I could log into that account every now and then and we could play together.

ARGGGGG! What was I thinking?? Me? Playing Everquest again? I loathed that game towards the end when I finally quit and now I might start playing it again "every now and then?" I do greatly miss having a MMORPG to play... but EverQuest? I just don't know about that. Maybe it would be different because I would only be playing it to be with Shannon. And it is an undeniable truth that what makes a game like that fun after all the novelty has worn off is the friendships you make and maintain. So I don't know. It may very well be that I will get all the software reinstalled on my machine, log in and go: "Ugh. I really hate this game," and log off. I just don't know. Because on the other hand, it might be a fun option to have available since I wouldn't be paying for it and in limited doses, it might be quite pleasant again.

Okay, I can't eat any more of this chocolate cake. It's going back into the refrigerator.

I hope I don't sound too sentimental and stupid. I don't particularly believe myself to be either one nor am I incrediably tolerant of those qualities in others. But I guess I also believe that there is a time to suppress your feelings and a time to give yourself the luxury of them. Acceptance of a situation does not have to mean I have to give up my emotions in regards to it. Even though I am not "moving on" in the way I feel, I still am moving forward nonetheless, even if it is through the uncontrollable passing of time.

So... I really don't want this weblog to turn into nothing more then an online angst diary, but it's been surprisingly difficult to not post something along those lines. I guess it's safe to say that I am in a strange position right now, hovering between more opposites then I care to think about. By most accounts, I ought to be happy. I am going to be getting married this summer and starting the next chapter of my life in every way. I will be finishing up college, I will be moving to a different country... but in this time when I should be so excited and so joyous, all I can really do is feel miserable because I can not be with the person I love. I don't think I can truly describe the perverseness of it all but I may as well try...

The extra time I have because he's gone ought to make college easier, but without him here it'll only be that much harder. I can smile at the picture of the wedding rings we've ordered, but I know that we won't be together when we try on the sizing bands. And don't get me wrong, it's quite exciting to look for all the things our new home will need, but there is something so very sad about looking at silverware alone.

I have never felt more loved, but I have never felt so alone. I am sharing my life, but I am living on my own. I know he is always there for me, but I have to do everything by myself.

I am looking forward to the future, but I can't help think of how it has only been a week since he left, and realize that I must live it over 28 more times before we can be together again. And there's nothing I can do about it except love him even more.

IT has returned. I have been both praying this moment would come and also dreading it.

Animaxis has returned.

Animaxis is a huge online store with absolutely tons of anime related merchandise, including... cels. Hundreds of cels. All from my favourite animation company, no less! The pure genius of Animaxis is the fact that they price all of their cels very cheaply and only on a scale of readily seen quality. They do not take into consideration the rarity of the cel or the popularity of the series. They make it possible for me to get cels that I could never dream of being able to afford otherwise. For this I must surely love Animaxis! And I do. Oh yes... I love Animaxis.

But there is a price to be paid. The competition is fierce. One must learn how to... "adapt." They update twice a week in what is quite a reasonable time in the afternoon if you are in Japan. But that translates into the dead of the night for anyone living in the United States. I am well familar with the green glow that a monitor gives off when everything else is dark and still. I haven't forgotten the bitter cold of night. But it doesn't end there. It's not as easy as just having to get up in the middle of the night twice a week. At the very least, you then have to wait, always watchful and prepared to act quickly. It doesn't hurt to be sneaky either. There are a couple such techniques for grabbing the cels you inevitably desperately want and getting to the checkout before everyone else. Through trial and error, I became a master at them. We shall have to see if I still have what it takes.

I both love and loathe Animaxis. But what can I do? I can't say that it isn't completely worth it. I can't say that it isn't fun. I can't say there isn't something reassuring about putting forth that sort of dedication and being rewarded for it. I suppose all I can do now is wait in anticipation for it to all get started again.

((Where had it gone in the first place? It fell into fire and shadow... well, not really. Actually my friend broke it. He spent too much money and ordered too many cels and the whole thing crashed. Its taken them a couple months to fix it. In the meantime they've been sending him Christmas cards and New Years cards to appease him so he doesn't break the system again. Alright, alright - so maybe it wasn't really possible for him to have broken it. But the timing was right.))

Yay! My first real weblog entry. I thought I'd start out with the most exciting thing to happen this weekend: I got a new anime cel! Isn't she wicked?

This is Galatea from Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040. She's having one of her more sinister moments in this particular cel. It's actually really hard to find cels of her so it's terribly exciting that I managed to get this one. I bought this one out of someone's private collection by making them an offer they couldn't refuse. It was definitely worth it too!

For anybody who doesn't really understand what cels are or why anybody would want to collect them, basically they are the individual frames of movement used in animation. Each frame is hand painted and unique, but you can have cels that look very similar because they are part of the same scene or sequence. Although traditionally animation companies have considered them a waste product after they've been shot to film, they are highly sought after by collectors for a variety of reasons. Some people see them as valuable production art that they can invest their money in, while others just love the idea of owning actual pieces of their favourite cartoons. I do both because I'm relatively picky about which cels I buy. What makes this particular cel special is that besides showing a rare character, it also came with the background painting that was used for its entire sequence. This means that while other people might have a cel that looks almost exactly like mine, I am the only person with the background!

You can see my whole Galatea collection, along with some of my best cels from other series at my cel website: Cel Materia