I can't believe I didn't mention this sometime earlier then 2 in the morning. Yesterday afternoon I got an extra special present! A half-dozen red roses from my sweetie! They're the best roses I've ever seen too - they're so perfect and deeply red that it is almost unreal. The green of the rest of the arrangement is as equally saturated as the flowers too, so that only makes it that much more striking to look at. I need to get new batteries for my camera, but if I do that soon enough, I will take a picture of it.

I've never been particularly into the flower thing, having never had much experience with getting them, but it is a really nice feeling for them to arrive so unexpectedly. And they weren't even for a special occasion or anything. He just said that when he got up yesterday morning, he felt like getting me something. And there was a florist in my city who did same-day delivery.

And yes - I did recall that baby's breath was poisonous. So the roses are going to be kept locked away in my bathroom when I'm not around.

I am still petting my new cel lovingly. With cotton gloves on.

I will not bore you with the timeless question of "What is art?" But instead I shall say that for me, I never truly wanted my art to be anything more or less then beautiful. I am drawn very strongly to that which I find to be beautiful, I seek to surround myself with it. I find myself frustrated when I am unable to produce this quality in my work. The art program I am in has always been much more concerned with the communication of an idea, or the solving of a problem visually rather then the simple pursuit of beauty.

This evening I discovered something that is so pure in its beauty that it seems almost unfair. It is hard to describe exactly why I am so fixated with it - perhaps because it is so very universal.

I speak, of course, of fractals.

I had known about them for the longest time, but I was not prepared for what awaited me. If you ever want to treat yourself, visit one of the countless galleries of talented fractal artists. (I recommend the gallery of Janet Parke for starts.) There is also a free programme called Apophysis that generates a particular type of fractal. I've spent what feels like a couple of hours just creating random batchs of images and looking at them one by one.

I really can't describe how seeing these images makes me feel. They are so very beautiful and rich - many of them feel like they should be oil paintings. I feel a desperate desire to be able to create them myself, and then frustration when I know it will take a long time for me to get gain enough mastery of any fractal programme to do that. A long time and many tutorials. Until I can make images like those of Janet Parke, I will have to content myself with making fractals like this:

Sometimes things were just meant to be. And when they do fulfill themselves, it seems to happen in the most amazing and appropriate ways.

This is the story of me and a cel...

I have been in love with an anime series called Nightwalker from the moment I saw the first episode. The main character is a very yummy vampiric detective named Shidou. I won't go into the details of the show itself but I will say that it was done on a low-budget. This doesn't stop the series from having some beautifully drawn scenes. The best of the best are a handful of sepia-toned shots that showcase Shidou's debauchery-filled past.

A fellow cel collector was actually able to grab one of these in one of Animaxis.com's infamous cel updates. (The rest have supposedly been seen in private collections in Japan.) It was a pan shot of Shidou fully vamped out and bloodied. It was also the single best Nightwalker cel that any of us had ever seen. To make a long story a little shorter, it was eventually opened up for offers. I missed out because I had been under the impression that we'd all be allowed to make a second offer if we wanted - I was wrong. I was quite upset about it for awhile, because I had been willing to pay a lot of money. And that isn't easy for me because I tend to have these weird issues with money. Nonetheless, the cel had gone to a great new home.

On a certain Wednesday night in March, a couple months after the cel had been sold the first time, I got a sudden and rather spontaneous urge to send an offer to the new owner. I generally don't do that sort of thing because it's rude and annoying, particularly on a cel that is clearly marked as never leaving. But I just couldn't ignore it. On Thursday morning when I heard back from her, I found out that she actually really needed the money because something had just come up. (And that otherwise, she would never ever sell it.) By that afternoon, the details had been worked out and Shidou was mine! He was shipped on Friday and I got him on Saturday.

I can't say I've ever had a cel call out to me before. But I don't see any other way to explain it. The timing was too perfect to be simple coincidence. It's very creepy, but undeniably appropriate for a cel of a vampire. Everything about it was fitting and makes the cel all that much more special to me. Even the way I had to take advantage of another's situation. He was just meant to be with me, I guess.

The cel itself is really amazing - but I'll let him speak for himself since he certainly wasn't afraid to speak up to me.

My plans from here involve getting him in an overly fancy framing job. Something dramatic and gothic. I almost always go with a simple mat and a thin metal frame for cels, but something about this one says otherwise. I'm not sure when I'll be able to do it, but I hope it's sooner rather than later.

In one of my classes this semester, I am allowed to do something a bit unusual - just sketch! Usually the pressure is to turn in finished pieces or else terrible things will happen. But because for the purposes of finishing school, I am saying that I want to go into concept and fantasy art, a sketchbook of conceptual drawings is an appropriate thing to have.

I love concept art. But I'm bad at it. Nonetheless I am trying. I've already seen an improvement in my notebook, and while the sketches are very rough, I know that is usually normal for the first phases of any idea. I also know that I have already proven myself capable of taking my designs and translating them into 3d. Still - my approach feels very different from those concept artists who can literally just sit down and draw up a complex and detailed image. I might eventually be able to work up to that level on any given idea if I was asked to concentrate on it... but I can't just DO it. Maybe I'm being unfair to myself. Maybe those same people can't take a sketch and reconstruct it as a 3d model.

I don't even know why I'm worrying about any of this to be honest. I was sort of planning on taking a break from illustration after I graduated and doing some writing instead. In fact, half the ideas in my sketchbook are expressed only in words. I just found that I could describe them better that way. I'd think that being able to work both ways would be an asset, but illustrators have it drilled into them that they solve problems visually - not verbally. It makes me feel different.

I actually did sort of have a point to this entry besides just rambling on. If anyone who actually reads this has some ideas that might be interesting to sketch out, please let me know. Anything is game really - items, character/animal design, clothing design... Places would be cool too, but that is definitely not something I'm experienced with at all. In particular, I love things with an elven slant and would like to have more of that sort of thing in my sketchbook. Concept art doesn't happen in a vacuum though - the whole point of concept art is to give visual substance and direction to concrete ideas that already exist.

I could go on forever... but I won't.

I'm not sure if it would be right to say that this has been bugging me per se, but since turning 21 back in 2001, I have had very little opportunity to get to know Alcohol. This is mostly due to the fact that I am the one who always drives, so I can never get anything to drink whenever I go out. While drinking at home IS an option, its really just not the same as ordering something to go with your meal.

My lack of acquaintance with Alcohol becomes particularly frustrating when I am presented with that rare opportunity to have some. Because I don't know what anything is. I already know that I don't like beer. And I know I don't care for wine, although I can tolerate it enough to drink it. That really leaves things like hard ciders and lemonades - which I do like, but which are frequently found in grocery stores and not in restaurants - and cocktails. The few cocktails I have had, I actually really liked! But at most places, you have to know what you want before you can order it. This is a problem when I want to try things I have never had before and never heard of.

I am happy to announce, however, that I have made a new discovery! While viewing the menu at a Japanese steak house, Shannon decided she wanted to try a glass of plum wine. To make a long story short, I had a sip... or three. Both of us were so taken with it that we each left the restaurant with our very own bottle of the stuff.

So yay! YAY for plum wine! You go plum wine! You rock.

The radio got turned on and there he was. It was the asterik President. And he was making the same three statements over and over again. He was giving speech of some sort... I guess. If you want to call it that.

And then there it was. It was faint with the windows up and the radio on, but there was no mistaking it. I rolled down the window on my side of the car as fast as I could and I let in the sound of the peeping frogs.

From the moment I opened the window, it seemed clear to me that the sounds of the peepers were infinitely more important then any political statement or speech. Their sound had a such a remarkable fullness to it, so vividly based in the reality of here and now that the voice on the radio lost all essence. It was soon turned off and my father and I spent the rest of the car trip listening for the frogs and slowing down when we found them.

I am going to cry. For real. There has been this one certain doujinshi (Japanese fan-made comic book) based on Final Fantasy VII that I have been after for, ohh.... over six months. It was the first doujinshi I ever wanted and it will be the last I ever get.

Every single time it has shown up, the price has gone up higher then I could afford at the time. Well, I haven't bought any cels recently, so I actually had a little cash - and I was really excited about the latest copy of "Satan Impact" to hit eBay because I was GOING to get it. I was. Except when stupid me forgets it is ending soon and doesn't go safe guard it. ARGGGH!

But so, well... I am pissed with myself beyond words right now and really really upset.